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Surf’s Up
A Right to the Left
Hooray Soleil
The Power of Letting Go
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Incredible Shrinking Woman
Apologizing to Mandy
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Issue Nine: Humor
Issue Ten: Free Write
My travel alarm wakes me at 5am so I have time to re-pack my back pack and grab breakfast with the other hostlers before the bus arrives to take us on a three day camping trip to Australia's Outback.
I am eating my donut and coffee alone when a tall, blonde man catches my eye. He's sitting with a cute dark-haired woman and man in a wheel chair. They're speaking German. The woman calls him Johannes.
Johannes is wearing really short shorts, the kind only European and South American men wear, and an Australian cowboy hat. He's sitting under the shady trees, his white, lanky legs crossed, eating his fruit and yogurt in the early Outback morning.
He's cute. Really cute.
It isn't until almost a full day of crossing the Outback in the 4-wheel drive mini bus with the rest of the adventure tourists that he speaks to me.
We've all been hiking in the red rocks, marveling at the breathtaking views that extend forever across the red sand desert. The group has stopped at the top of a low summit to rest before heading back to the bus. I am hot and sweaty from the hike. As I take a drink from my water bottle I hear a German accent asking if he can have a sip. Seems he'd run dry.
I don't think anything of it. I hand him my water bottle. He takes it in his large, slim hands and takes a few sips. When he gives it back to me, our fingers touch. He smiles and says thanks.
I still have no clue. I've come to Australia sex-starved from a 4-year marriage gone bad. My husband has told me that I am fat and ugly so often that by now I believe him. I am 30, but I feel a lot older. I certainly don't see myself as someone a good-looking young man like Johannes will take an interest in.
Later that evening the tour bus takes us to a viewing spot out in the desert to watch the sun set on Ayers Rock (Uluru). As the sun sets, the rock turns every different shade of yellow, orange and red before going dark in the inky blackness of the Outback night. My goal is to snap a photo every 5 minutes to capture the remarkable changes on film.
I never get past the first shot.
Johannes brings me a glass of wine to repay me for his drink of water, and we start talking. By the time the sun goes down we're holding hands and talking non-stop. I miss the entire sunset.
Afterwards we all go back to the campsite, open a few cases of bad Australian lager and set to drinking and telling campfire stories. The group is made up of people from all over the world. Some retired Americans and Canadians, some young Germans and Brits, even some Australians. Doctors, students, secretaries, stock brokers. We all tell dirty jokes and play drinking games around the campfire.
As the night wears on and people retreat to their tents, Johannes and I sit drinking and talking. We keep moving our camp chairs closer and closer until our legs are touching and we're talking in whispers, inches from each other's face.
I can feel the electricity between us. I think he wants to kiss me, but I don't know how to let him know I want that too. I am tingling with anticipation.
When he finally kisses me I melt into him. I've forgotten how much I like kissing. And he's good. Before long I'm straddling him and we're making out like fiends. His hands are everywhere, in my hair, on my neck, my breasts, my ass.
"Let's do it." I can hear the desire in his voice.
"Oh yeah." I am surprised at the desire in mine.
But where? We both have tent-mates. We're in a large clearing in the middle of the desert, with dangerous snakes and other animals in the brush beyond.
The tour bus. Yes, it's open and dark and semi-private.
We sneak off to the open tour bus. I struggle to wriggle out of my tight jeans. Our naked bodies connect. His long and lean and slightly hairy. Mine soft and curvy. The feel of skin on skin. Oh god, I've missed this.
His mouth is on my mouth, on my breasts. He can't stop fondling my breasts. He tells me over and over how wonderful my breasts are. It's been a long time since someone told me I was sexy, attractive, desirable. I'm eating this up.
And I want to consume him. I want our bodies to unite in a writhing mass of nerve endings and sensations.
We try. God, how we try. And the trying is really fun. But the seats are too narrow and we're inhibited about being seen through the large windows. We just can't make it work.
We go off to our respective tents exhausted and a little frustrated. But I am ecstatic. This really happened. This attractive man wanted me. Me! What I'd been made to believe was fat and ugly, he finds sexy.
We flirt throughout the rest of the trip. He kisses me on the forehead on the climb up Ayers Rock. We have a splashing flight when the tour stops for a swim at a natural spring. Our arms around each other, we gaze in awe at the Milky Way that extends across the entire night sky.
The night the camping tour ends a group of us go out to a dance club in the small back-packer town near the hostel. After a few beers and some sexually charged dancing, Johannes and I leave the others. We're off to the private room he shares with Uwe, the man in the wheel chair, who is having a bit of his own fun with a couple of women on the dance floor.
"Give us a few hours and knock before you come in." Johannes tells Uwe as he grabs the key to their room.
Oh, the walk back to the hostel is maddening. He has no idea how long I've waited for this. How much I need this, both physically and emotionally. This is going to be fun!
And it is. As soon as Johannes locks the door behind him we tear each other's clothes off. Our bodies are crushed together in his strong, urgent embrace. He scoops me up and tosses me on the bed. I can't remember being this turned on. It's like my entire body has awoken from a long sleep, every nerve ending coming back to life and remembering pleasure.
When we're finished we lay entwined on the bed, reminiscing about the Outback tour and talking about our future travel plans. He tells me I'm beautiful and laughs when I tell him how old I am.
My Australian adventure is the start of my healing. It's when my perception of myself as fat and old and ugly starts to change.
I am attractive. I am sexy. I am powerful.
Photo: Uluru at Sunset by Jocelyn Weiss
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