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My brothers and I would fight for the front seat.
Most often my older brother won.
Before backing out of the driveway, my father would
open the sunroof and turn on sports radio.
As Dad drove slowly down our street I would watch
lights turn on, illuminating the insides of the neighbors
houses. I
searched the windows hoping to catch a glimpse of what
happened while I was usually getting ready for bed.
I often thought of my neighbor Molly and her mother who
always called her in at 7 pm, even during the summer, forcing
her into the tub. I
smiled, grateful that my own bath was a long ways off.
I watched in silence as moths dove towards the beams of
the headlights. There was something forbidden and exciting about driving up
to the mysteriously empty parking lot when school wasn’t in
session. The
purpleness of the sky made it even more enticing.
The playground was all ours.
During the nighttime I never had to wait for my turn.
There were no mean boys threatening to put sand down my
shirt, or girls telling me that if I didn't get the cootie
shot I would die. On
summer nights I was free of the bullies and mean cliques of
girls. I could
play house and not be mocked for still playing make-believe at
9, an age when I was supposed to have known better.
The setting sun stretched my shadow making my legs long and
my torso short. I
kicked my superhuman legs out to the side, amazed at their
length. I watched
my shadow as I made signs with my extra long fingers,
alternating “peace” signs with the sign for “I love
you.” I would
run as fast as I could and then suddenly stop long enough to
try to catch my shadow, but every time I moved it moved with
me. I
chased my shadow to the swings, willing it to slow down.
I would wiggle my bottom into the cradle of the seat. My thighs would stick to the plastic as I pumped as high as I
could. My
brothers joined me, one on either side.
We would have swinging contests to see who could get
the highest. I would beg my father to push me. He would roll his eyes. "You are a big girl. You know
how to pump," he would say.
But eventually he would give me a big push and I would
swoop up so high that I imagined I could see over the top of
the school, over the treetops. I worried that I would swing so high that I would wrap
myself around the top of the swing set.
The higher I went, the more my stomach would flip flop.
I loved it. I squealed with scared delight, my voice
echoing off of the concrete school building. Just as the purple sky began to turn navy, my father would
announce that he could hear my mother calling us in. Even
though we lived three miles from the playground I believed
that he could hear her. My
brothers and I would chase each other back to the car, once
again scrambling for the front seat.
On the way home we begged my father to take us on a mystery
drive. My father
would pretend to get lost and we would drive aimlessly until
my younger brother fell asleep in the back seat.
I rolled down the window, gulping up the cool night
breeze. The
cheepers sang loudly as our car drove by.
I watched as fireflies threatened to illuminate their
hiding places. I
forced my hand out the window into the darkness, attempting to
catch the air, just as I had tried to catch my shadow.
But like my shadow, it always got away.
We traveled down the dark, unknown streets, and I would
search for landmarks that I recognized but couldn't find any
in the darkness. Just
when I thought we were hopelessly lost, our street would turn
up. And we always
made our way home.
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