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Ten: Free Write
Scintillations
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Julie Day
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Sex And The Country
Stirring Up The Dust
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Issue Eleven: Play
Issue Twelve: Synchronicity
I'm having a sneezing fit right now. Once the first sneeze hits, I know there certainly will be another and another and another. Thankfully the fits only last for a few minutes, but I seem to be able to pack quite a few sneezes into that small amount of time. I feel so out of control until I finally stop. My mind races through a million thoughts while I helplessly sneeze, wait, sneeze, wait, sneeze, sniffle, blow, sneeze, wait….
I don't know what causes these sneezing fits. Sometimes I get them right after lunch and I always wonder if it's an allergic reaction to something I ate, but so far I can't pinpoint any one thing that might trigger it. Maybe it's a weird combination of foods or sneaky MSG or an un-numbered red dye? Maybe I just ate too much and it's my body's way of dealing with the overload. But if it's because of food, why do I sometimes have a fit in the morning before I've eaten anything? Before I can fully flesh out the logic behind any of these random theories, another sneeze hits and I lose my train of thought.
Dust makes some people sneeze. I have all but ruled that out entirely since my whole house is usually pretty dusty and I only have a sneezing fit once in a while. When I do break down and pull out the vacuum or my feather duster and really kick up lots of dust, my nose is surprisingly happy and sneezeless. Perhaps I have this sneezy reaction not from banal earthly house dust, but when I'm stirring up the Cosmic Karmic Dust.
I view Cosmic Karmic Dust like an invisible wave of all things meant to happen on the true path of my life. There is lots of change in my life right now. It feels like I am altering my own destiny by the moment. I have begun new exciting creative projects. I have also started a brand new full-time job. But I don't like change, even if it is exciting and even if it might be perfect for my so-called destiny. It doesn't feel like part of a great cosmic plan, it just feels terrible. Maybe my little tiny human nose revolts against the imminent change. Or maybe it's not even a revolt, maybe it is just a way to get rid of my old thought patterns, forcing out the ancient air that's been blowing through the hollows of my head for eons.
While I continue to sneeze I also flash on a television program I watched years ago where parents and an expert pediatrician were watching lots of babies playing in the middle of a toy-filled floor. One baby off to the side was sneezing and sneezing. The gentle doctor leaned in toward the parents of the child and whispered, "He's probably sneezing because he's had too much input." Aha! A little nose-shaped light bulb went off when I heard that. Now that might be the reason I have my own sneezing fits. I have had too much input! My poor brain cannot receive any more information. It is overloaded with negative, worrisome thoughts. I'm scared, there's too much change going on around me, I don't want to play any more, I want peace and quiet, I don't want any more destiny, I don't want to stir anything up, I just want to let it all settle.
I doesn't seem like settling is part of my karma in this lifetime. Change is going to come and life is going to fire lots of input in my direction at point blank range. (Oh no! Another sneeze!) Maybe it's not the NEW input I'm rejecting. Maybe I'm trying to sneeze some of the old negative input OUT to make room for new and fresh positive thoughts. I like that idea. Maybe stirring up my imaginary life-changing dust is just what I need right now.
Or maybe what I really need to do is just let myself sneeze a while without having it mean so much. I will close my eyes for a moment and breathe. I have plenty of tissues. It will all be fine.
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